Monthly Archives: March 2012

I Want to Trust God BUT…

I deal with a lot of but[t]s in my life. Besides the fact I still have two kids in diapers, I’m constantly arguing with God saying, “I’ll do that but…[Fill in the blank]”. I feel almost hypocritical, or perhaps I am, when I ask God for his will in my life and when he lays it out for me I say, “But how? But why? But when?”  instead of, “Yes Lord.”

I have this problem with needing to know every.single.detail. If I don’t know every.single.detail. I usually end up scrapping whatever idea I may have had. The same goes for the prayers I pray to God. When I ask and He answers, I then proceed to bombard him with the “How? Why? When?”. He always replies with, “Just do it!”

Since I’ve taken a break from blogging this past month, I have been struggling with whether or not this something want to keep up, or if I’m just embarrassing myself by essentially baring my soul for the entire world. Satan’s a punk that way. When I ask God to free me from the bondage of caring what others think, and to allow me to glorify Him, he has told me to do it through my writing. I’ve spent the last month packing  running blog idea after blog idea through my head. So many things to share! Then scrapping for fear of rejection. I am then reminded that even if my blog only helps one other person, then I’ve succeeded here. I have always loved The Parable of the Lost Sheep in the books Matthew and Luke. It serves as a reminder that each of us is important to the Father.

Matthew 18:12-14 (ESV): 12 What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?13 And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.14 So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

Luke 15:3-7 (ESV): 3 So he told them this parable:4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

There are many other things God has laid on my heart to follow through with and obey, but I’m slowly learning to trust God again. For now, I blog. It’s what he’s asked of me, therefore I’m doing.

What has God asked of you to do today?


We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Blog

I know I just started this bloggy thingy, but we are in the process of moving at the end of March and I am going to take a break from writing actual posts for you to read. I’ll be the first to admit I can’t handle too much on my plate at any given time. In the meantime, I’m going to work on back-end stuff. Making my site more personal (and pretty!) and going to try and stretch some writing skill muscles. I have every intention of starting back April 1st unless God lays something on my heart to share beforehand.

I also feel convicted to share my story about my struggle with depression, and it’s going to cause me to peel off a lot of layers that I don’t feel like peeling right now with so many other things to juggle. So be looking forward to that. I know I am, but it’s going to cause me to not only be real with you, but with myself and God. I already know what I’m going to have to face and having to write it out is going to hurt, and what I might say may be hurtful to those closest to me. However, I know it will bring about blessing in my own life and the lives of others.

Thanks for understanding and please be praying for my family and I as we are starting a new chapter in our lives. I’m very excited to see what God has in store for us!

Learning to walk in Christ,

Who Am I?

I have been reading the most wonderful book by Jennifer Luitwieler, called Run With Me: An Accidental Runner and the Power of Poo. It’s the most amazing story, and I just LOVE her sense of humor. The book, in short, is about one woman’s journey with how she became a runner, her struggle with depression, and learning to love life and herself again. I have yet to finish the book because it speaks so true to me and my own struggles. I posted the other day about my struggle with depression, and this book really tugs on the heartstrings.

This book has got me to wondering, who am I? What makes me who I am? and all those other “fun” questions we all like to ask ourselves! I want to share an excerpt from the book that I keep coming back to and re-reading:

“When famous writers give speeches or presentations, they are often asked a question like, “How do you become a writer?” The answer rarely differs. Now, these people know how to follow a playbook. They usually reply: “To be a writer, you must write every day. That makes you a writer.” The people who ask this question are never satisfied with this answer, and they will continue to ask it at every possible event; this is not the magic-pill they sought…

And then I went for the big guns: “I am  a writer.”…

…this kind of deciding to be a writer carries a heavy weight. It means that in every day, the discipline to write and to pursue an idea or dream must take precedence over other things. It means that when I hurt, I still have to write. And this is the hard part because people don’t always feel happy. We don’t always feel amazing, genius and infectious. Sometimes we feel we abused, used, sad or angry. Sometimes days just suck.”

What makes you who are is by what you do every day, regardless of how you feel. If you want to be a writer, you must write every day. If you want to be a runner, you need to run every day. If you want to be happy, you must do what makes you happy everyday. If you want to be forgiven, you must forgive every day. If you want to be loved, you must love everyday. If you want to be sober, you must be sober ever day. The list goes on and on and on.

I could share with you what I want to be, but really it only matters to me and to God. Then I must follow through with each thing, regardless of how I feel, because “sometimes days just suck”. If I can be disciplined enough to do these things that matter most to me every day, I know I can look back in 10, 30, or 50 years and say I’m so glad I stuck with it!

Now I want to know, who are you? And do you have enough discipline to be who you want to be every day?

Learning to walk in Christ,